I pace my living room floor, back and forth, back and forth.
And yet, my mind is blank, and I begin to get frustrated.
I stop pacing, rub my eyes, and beg my brain to think of something.
I take a look at my computer screen, which is placed on my wooden dining room table, and it’s blank, except for the blinking cursor ticking like a time bomb.
Every blink is a tick, and each click hit my head harder and harder.
I take a deep breath in, let it out slowly and stare at the flashing cursor, patiently waiting for me to start the next chapter in my book.
“Why did I choose to be a writer?” I say to myself out loud.
Curse this black line and all of its judgment. I close my laptop, not even wanting to look at it any longer; I also don’t want to think about my book and the characters that haunt me to tell their story.
I need to relax. I think to myself, so I decide to make some tea- something to calm me down, something to put my mind at ease.
I walk into my kitchen, fill my tea kettle with water, and set it on the stove until I hear that loud and annoying, yet satisfying whistle.
I open up my white kitchen cabinet door, pull out my 'Legend of Zelda' mug along with a bag of Lavender Plains; a sweet calming tea blend that will chill my ass down and get my creative juices flowing which is blocked for some reason.
If I think about the book, I will stress myself out.
I do not want to force my writing; I want it to come naturally.
I need to clear my head and not think about my story or the characters.
I need to become at ease within myself before I can write a story about someone else.
“Remember, Jessica, do not think about it. Do not think about Aurora and Greyson. Do not think about how her mother left her a book after she passed, but you still do not know why. Do not think about how her father is taking over her kingdom, the wonderful kingdom her mother left Aurora to rule. Do not think about the firepower Aurora is learning to control. Do not think about it. Do not overthink. Clear your mind!”
Life of a writer, am I right?
Before I get mad at myself, that beautiful, sweet, irritating, intense whistle saves the day.
I carefully grab my tea kettle and pour the hot water into my mug, put a teaspoon of the tea blend into a strainer, and drop it into the cup. Immediately, I smell the calming scent of lavender and smile.
I scurry over to the dining room, careful not to spill the hot tea and set it on the table.
Before I sit down, I remember I had a candle that would go perfect with this moment, a candle that will bring peace to my mind along with the tea.
I run to my room, open my drawer, and start rummaging through everything. I finally found it, but now my room looks like a war-zone; last of my worries at this point.
I head back into the dining room and light Divinity, a candle with the same soothing lavender scent.
Boy, am I going to be relaxed.
I take a seat, sip some tea, and breathe, exhaling all of the stress and negativity that I've built up, which was stopping me from letting my creative juices flow.
I love writing, I love being a writer, and I just needed to let go and stop overthinking.
After my mug was almost empty, I open my laptop, and there it was staring right back at me, that blinking cursor.
But this time it wasn’t taking over me, I was going to show it who’s boss.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, slowly exhale, inhaling that sweet smell of lavender, and wrote.
I wrote all night long, letting all of the creative juices flow. I sat back in my chair and smiled.
I was at ease and realized why I loved to do what I do- writing; the joy of writing, the pleasure of sharing my story with others- that is pure happiness.
And that is an accomplishment in its own, for me that is.
I looked at the clock, and it was almost 3 am.
Oh my gosh!
I saved my progress, and that blinking black line will be waiting for me when I wake up.
Waiting for me to finish my story so I can share it with the world.
But this time, it won’t judge me, it will push me; teach me how to stop being so hard on myself and relax.
I close my laptop, blow out my candle, and go to bed.
Excited to write more, eager to see my new friend, the blinking cursor.